Living Water

No This one should be really quick cuz i'm tired and I gotta get up in the morning damn okay I went through my routine it was nice I worked up a sweat and it was good I really really liked it and felt like I did a good thing tonight any way I gotta go ta bed night

Peace & Blessings

I feel uneasy about my past it's because I have to retake a couple of classes, ( one I withdrew from, and one I got a C in, and it's my major) so I gotta retake'em and I guess that's fine I mean that's what the summer and the winter semesters are for, I just gotta do it and the plan is to damn get a head lol not get behind so I'm gonna get ahead and retake my math class at some point lol that's the thing about college you have to handle your own business like all that ish is on you especially if you have the kinda mama I have even if you live at home you gotta do it all for self, luckily I have friends that do help me out wish I had some more gay friends but that's another talk show for another day, well this was just a quick little post because I have to go out right now any way till next time

Peace & Blessings

Tonight I worked out and I was satisfied, lol after two workouts of not being satisfied I had a cute little sweat going, and my body feels worked out. Afterwards I had a big cup O apple juice it was nice and refreshing, gosh it's cold here lol there's such a draft by my couch, any way I did my crunches and sit ups but with my sit ups I did something different, I stuck my feet as far under the love seat as they would go and then I did them, it was much better than just trying to do them by myself, and I felt I got a really good work out in the sit up area by doing that. Also, I did that thing where you lift your legs like straight up in the air and hold them there, it helps with gettin your mid section together. Any way I felt good or feel good rather right now as I right this. Well just had to get this entry in till next time

Peace & Blessings

It is cold and I do not enjoy that I'm just sitting here my dad said he would take me to the mall today but he's pushed it back to tommorow (Monday) lol I really wanted to go today but whatever he said he wasn't feeling well so oh well. I made a downelink profile after seeing it on Noah's Arc: Jumping the Broom, ooh and my season 2 hasn't come yet and I will be having a problem if it doesn't. But back to downelink the guys there are cute, like cuter than anything I've seen in my area on bgc (I don't have an account there anymore) but they seem to not be online often like on bgc maybe they feel downelink is lame or whatever oh and like I don't get much play there like on bgc. Maybe it's because they're not always on or maybe it's because they not feelin me I don't know but any way I'm outta here just have a case of the Sunday Boreds and Lonelies, need to meet a nice guy who's just for me. Oh well until next time

Peace & Blessings

This one was a little better I skipped a day I know bad boy lol it was christmas day so yea you know how it went the food was flowing I was acting up on that day but it's all good I worked out last night which was the 26th of Dec. I did my usual but the same problem faced me last night I didn't feel so worked out I hardly even broke a sweat I'm not sure if that's because it was cold in here or what but I didn't so I'm changin up my regimine I'll find some new excercises to add in there and up my time so that things can be a little more vigorous each night, and I'm glad that I'm starting this over the break, cuz it's getting me used to doing it each night so when school starts back everything will be together and my body will be used to doing this every night lol well I'm about to write my personal blog lol that's not about excercise tee hee hee i'm about to have some gumbo and write my other blog maybe not in that order any way

Peace & Blessings

Okay this is from that day when I just did it really quickly again I didn't feel that I got much of a work out in, it was cool though, I did my regular ish but I didn't do my breathing and stretching tho lol and I felt like that contributed to it oh well I think I need to set a standard limit of when I stop working out cuz I dont' have a standard limit I just do it and then stop so that's all for this entry until next time

Peace & Blessings

Lord knows that I am lonely lol especially on nights like this I have my family and am thankful for that but I just wish I had a man to spend Christmas with or for him to spend Christmas with me I just feel like where is he where, I tried to upload a video to youtube last night and it kept failing to upload, now I'm like I guess it happend for the best, everything has a reason, ooh I can feel the strain all in my damn neck from when I raise it to do crunches. Lmao I'ma be a strong necked mothaf*cka huh? Lmao I'm a fool a little Christmas humor. I really hope I can get out of here, I need too I really do any way this was just a little short post for Christmas Eve, and to tell how I feel tonight

Peace & Blessings

Well for this workout I didn't do so much cuz I worked out early that day, sooooo my body was already on some I'm tired but I still did my whole routine minus my stretching and breathing, cuz I had already done it earlier, so my body was already loose. I did my regular, I did squats, I did sit ups, crunches, and my punch reps oh and some thigh and arm work I mean it was simple cuz yea I wasn't really just feelin it cuz my body was already like hey you've done this today lol and oooh I feel it like when I stretch my legs and thighs lol and if I stretch my arms up and I can feel it in my stomach. I fell into the trap of I wanna see results lol lord knows I only been doin it for 2 damn days and I already I wanna damn see something, just like an American, I think it's cuz I feel it workin so I wanted to see it but it is what it is I believe that I will be able to see it boom lol any way I had some Mcdonalds for lunch lol and some Gumbo for dinner, also had a piece of pie for desert sad sad sad. Okay it's not sad cuz you're supposed to eat meals and ish and snacks for if you don't whatever you do eat your body will hold on to it making you GAIN weight this is the opposite of what WE want out of this life lol any way it's Christmas Eve and I will be working out tonight and on Christmas

Peace & Blessings

Okay so this is from earlier today when I couldn't go out cuz they wanted to go to the mall or whatever well any way I went through my stretch routine then I was like before I get truly started I need to create a work out playlist so I did, I put all the same types of music and ish on that I like to listen to when I work out, I had My Beyonce, My Janet, My Nicki Minaj, all of it lol it had me PUMPED! LoL especially the Janet, she has this new song called Make Me and I love it it's so old school Janet, it's jumpy it's energetic the perfect workout song lol but yea my body feels the workout lol like I felt it more from last night than I do the one I did like earlier and like I like to feel it afterwards cuz that means something happens like when I stretch certain ways I feel it like my squat work has me feeling it all in my ass and that's new like I've never felt strain there or anything but I guess it's cuz I've never done workouts that will work there any way I got my Noah's Arc Jumping The Damn Broom, and My Beyonce I Am Cd and DvD so basically ain't much gettin done in the next few days. Oh Ps (oooh I just stretched my legs and felt it all in my thighs) but ps I drove up to the Slotckies (I know that's not how you spell) and got a chicken ceasar salad wrap and ate it varatiously lmao my stomach was growing though I mean I didn't eat breakfast, all I had was some orange juice, they made some hot dogs for... breakfast I guess I didn't wanna eat that so I waited and had that salad wrap it was delicious. Any way I'll be working out again tonight so I'll get to doing another workout diary

Peace & Blessings

Like I gets no respect around this piece lol No Respect In Tha Streets, but naw I was supposed to go to school today to help doc. freeman but when I woke up this morning at 11:00 to leave out and get on bus at 11:46 my mamma decided that she needed to start getting ready, she needed to use the bathroom, she needed to take a shower, she needed to do everything before me cuz she had to be at the mall by a certain, oops naw she didn't, maybe cuz she had to catch a bus at a certain time ooops naw she got a damn car that ha damn ass can rev up at any time but I couldn't get in shower before her sooooooooooooo I have to damn wait till next bus cuz by the time her damn ass get out and get done 11:46 is unreachable for everything I had to do. So when I get ready to go out to next bus it's already damn passing by. I blame Ha damn ass for everything cuz I coulda been at the damn school so instead I'm sittin here all dressed the f*ck up with not a damn place to go now aint this some bullsh*t. Think I'm finna go work out again, you'll see an entry whenever I do

Peace & Blessings

Okay So I want to make this really quick cuz it's really late lol 2:51 to be exact. So this evening I did some squat work and some stomach work. As I type this i'm watching "The Thing" (Old horror movie about this alien organism that could imitate other forms of life) so any way it's interesting and I may have to complete watching it even though I just wanna get to bed. Boom so any way wow when I was doing the squats I could feel it all in my behind area and in my inner thigh area man I know that I am going to feel this ish tommorow but oh well lol such is the price of getting fit so I began with a stretch, I stretched my legs, arms, back, then I breathed a little bit. I turned on some music then I began with my squats (by the way my music strategy is I just put on the music of bad bitches that look good so it reminds of how I want to look and the things I want to wear, and how I want to be able to move my body, listening to them as I work out motivates me, the music also serves as a good all around pumper upper) then I moved on to do some crunches and situps then I did some arm strength work, then it was back to squats and I ended with situps. I concluded with a stretcch much like the one in the begining, finally I breathed in and out (ps, while doing concluding stretch and breathing I switched my music to soft and calming music) and I was complete with my excersise for the night, the same will probally happen tommorow night but I'll blog about it (oooh I also did a video lol but that's for these blogs I'll talk about it in my personal one)

Peace & Blessings

Okay, so I worked out last night or early this morning rather and I can feel it in my body, which I like, it's cool I just feel kinda tired now. I went to bed soooo late that I slept and slept and slept and slept. I was supposed to get my ass up and go to the school house but you know I didn't lol I just don't know I was sleep and then it got too late it's 4:14, lol which is way to late to get on a bus and go to that school lol then to bring my damn ass back home, hell no it'd take way too long that bus ride is a mutha. So I suppose I'll go tommorow since lord knows I won't be able to help again until next week after christmas but hey you know how it goes i'll still be on break so it's no biggie. My daddy was NOT happy about my D+ in english and really wasn't worried about the rest of my grades. Hmm Oh well I know how it goes and will be better prepped to get ish poppin and vibrating as Alexys says for the next semester. I talked to Moses & Tyquan, and they said they were really trying to get ish together so they could come to TSU this upcoming semester so that's wonderful and Moses invited me out for New Years' Eve so I'd love to do it cuz I don't think I've ever been out to any New Years' Eve events so this'd be my first lol I was saying on my truthBtold video blog that I wish I had someone to kiss when the clock strikes twelve and we are ushered in to the New Year but hey it is what it is, it'll happen when it needs to happen. I just wish it would happen sooner. But I'll leave with this... like people say He might not come when you want him but he's always right on time and that's something that I believe. So until next time

Peace & Blessings

Another lonely night curled up on the couch with some good movies wowsers *SideBar* (I get so lonely, can't let just anybody on me) any who I just watched uhhhhhhh I can do bad all by myself, Tyler Perry really needs to change up the game I mean I love him and all but damn I mean what change it up do something a little different cuz around the middle of the movie you start being able to understand exactly what's gong to happen. Any way lets focus on my being lonely. SideNote (I like the new Anthony Hamilton song, lol and I usually don't like him) any way yea I'm feelin like one youtube personality named xem van adams lol he's like, "Oh i'm just waiting for my husband and I'm ready to be in love" and I'm like the same way but I gets no love from the right dudes, as of now no dudes like it's been a long dry spell. I been single since like when.... like last Febuary. Man that's some ish. And like there was this guy named TR___ and I felt like he was givin me all types of play but then he kept goin on to talk about how he had a girlfriend and all the bullsh*t that comes with it cuz she doesn't do him right and all this but I think I already posted about the problems with that but I stopped feeling for him because I felt like he wasn't worried about me sooooooooo what am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for him to call or contact me or some ish like that. As much as I feel i'm ready for love, and as much as I feel like or I liked him or whatever it's not even my steelo to hound someone of be the bugaboo charcter. If that means I sit at home on late Saturday nights and write in this thing instead of waking up early on Sunday mornings to tell about how happy my man made me when we were together on that Saturday night then so be it. So I think I'm outta here, I'm about to go watch Drag Me To Hell and possibly order the Beyonce I Am Dvd, oh and ps. I realized today when I was at the barber getting my hair lined up how much I love to be taken care of and pampered in the way of like getting nails done (never done it) or getting eybrows waxed (dide it once) or stuff like that, like I love getting taken care of like that lol but any way like always to any one who's read this

Peace & Blessings

Today I went out and we got my sister's Christmas present which was a phone so that's good, then I came home my mom kinda tried to discourage me moving out, telling me that I should wait until 4 years basically when I graduate college girl stop you think I gone stay in the house with you, My Sister, and My Grandma who never leaves and goes ANYWHERE girl stop I be done burnt every bridge in that mothaf*cka. Any way I needed to vent this out and let it out ohhh and she keeps trying to use my f'in laptop like there's a desktop here this ain't for your convienence, it's for MINE, sh*t. I bought some movies from the bootleg movie guy in my apartment, I felt like uggg when I was doin it cuz I usually try to separate myself from the usual hood activity and that's usual hood activity lol but he was nice and I suppose it's all good, he said I was a good guy cuz I told him he could keep the change (5$ dollars) from the 20 hey it's all good in my book he said the next time I bought a movie from him he'd give me one free, so that's pretty cool, then he went on to talk about clothes that he sold and I was just thinking No lol now it's one thing to buy 2nd hand dvd's but 2nd hand clothes is another. Any way I am outta here for now just needed to tell it all you know get it out lol

Peace & Blessings

I am sitting here on my couch at 1:02 in the morning watching Tales From The Hood lol seems kinda crazy but I like ish like that, cuz that's just the kinda dude I am. Any way my throat hurts well it doesn't hurt but my voice is like scraggly and it's rather annoying but I was just watching some youtube and feeling like wow I can't wait to be able to spread my wings. I need to kinda rant a little about Tales from the hood lol Spike Lee more so, he was so genius with his movies and I absolutely love it, it's like he always found a way to infuse what was relevant in black America at the time in his movies. Most people are so used to the default way of doing things that they can't appreciate that but I absolutely do. Any way, I miss Moses & Tyquan, we definately need to get together and do something soon. I miss Anya, she's in New York right now living it up on her Christmas break, and I need to be looking up pieces and all that good stuff and writing speeches for debate, which I guess I'll use my saturday for after I've done the errands that I need to do with my mom ( I Think, I'm not Sure, We Might Be Done) Any way I believe that I will sign off now and get to bed.

Peace & Blessings

I am so happy to just be doing new things today. I am now writing this on my new laptop and it feels great, I got it yesterday. Today I am going to Go work for my Doctor Freeman, have a great breakfast, and doing a video for youtube, and not all in that order. The Youtube part leads me to my next point, see I'm starting the show back up with a whole new revamped theme. Instead of being a show it won't be so much a talk show as a video blog where I can express myself, now I'm doing it through youtube because I like interacting with other youtubers that's super coolio to me. Any way I am being so blessed by so many new opportunities in my life I've been offered new things through debate and it is sooooooooo great. I'm just happy about the advancements in my life and I just felt the need to share that with my blog today :)

Peace & Blessings

Okay so yesterday and today I felt really good. Not just exceptional about the current circumstances but good about the future. See my plans that I made a few months before about moving on with my life and moving out are coming to fruition. One thing at a time of course but it's all moving at good pace. I got my Brother Lee on the right path with his life and now he has a clear and consise plan about what he needs to do to be a successful and productive member of this society. I need to see how I can work out my money situation, cuz i'm trying to get a job on campus so hopefully this can work out for me and I'm praying that Lee's situation works out the way that we need it to work out, but either way we're going to make it happen cuz it's just time, it's truly time and there are only a few things holding us back that will no longer hold us up either way the chips decide to fall. But all this being said I have to study for my final final exam which is tommorow and I know that I shall do well on it THIS I KNOW.

Damn it's been a long time since the last time I wrote anything here but hey I believe it's time. Right now as of 11:13 on this Tuesday, I thank GOD, I thank GOD for giving me so much to offer to another human being and to this world. I thank GOD for everything that he's given me, sometimes I feel overwhelmed by his grace and mercy, especially since I've begun my studies at Texas Southern University. I'm begining this thing again because last night my comp. messed up thankfully a chunk of it was saved, but what I was saying was I just feel thankful for all that I have. I was feeling restless like I wanted to be alone, and at the same time wanted to be around people, or lonely rather; maybe you know how that goes, maybe you don't but any way there is a problem on my mind that strikes me now and really won't leave. There's this guy at my school and I just have a huge crush on him and I don't even know exactly why I mean he's not the only fine smart guy i've seen in my lifetime or at this school even so why is he different what was it about him. The only way I can explain it is, I think it's in his energy. There's only one age old problem.... He's straight, now I usually don't even look at straight guys as far as trying to pursue a relationship because I know it could never be, no matter how fine or smart I percieve you to be, but this guy, ehhh I don't know he's given me signs but he's never really around enough for anything to happen, and all over his facebook is this crap about women and oh lady's want so much but don't know how to handle a guy who wants to treat them right. He went into describing the woman he wanted and I was thinking he's not gonna be happy cuz I believe he really wants a man, lol and yea you guessed everything he described was right up my alley but hey he'll have to come to his own realizations, now whether or not he comes to this realization in time to get Muah is an entirely different story... hope he does though... in any case I've got to keep pushin and movin right along in school. Ya know this whole situation reminds me of Noah's Arc, the T.V. Show, they've dealt with similar issues who knows any way I'm signing out, until next time


Peace & Blessings

Like I don't get it I mean... What. So first off let's talk about job. So my friends Moses and Tyquan called me today and were asking me some questions about some things that I was happy to answer, then Moses was like, "Oh I got hired at A.C.S." (It's a call center) So I'm like whooooooo and he was finna get off the phone any way and go to his first job that he had but he's like oooh lemme give you the number and i'm like yes yes give me the number and the address. Then he puts me on hold and we get dissconnected so I have to wait like wait until later on this evening to call and get all that info. when I coulda been up there today interviewing and testing or whatever the requirements are to get that job oooh and he said he starts on Monday. Like WOW I wanna work there cuz yea I need money and everything lol. So that's not so bad now moving on to right now. Yesterday they got this Lasanga (lmao I remember in the movie Kingdom Come, "Yes and those are my twins Latanya and Lasanga" Lmaooooo) and I'm like cool I cook that tommorow which is this evening. Boom It's cooking and it gets done and then I realize its a three meat lasanga... hmmm what's the three meats that come to your mind when you hear three meats. Beef, Chicken, and PORK the last of which I CANNOT ingest without horrible consequences. Why my mamma so inconsiderate like no tell me why Cuz as soon as I read it I noticed that wow one of the three meets are probally PORK (sidenote this b*tch just came in and asks, "Hey, why don't you go get us something to drink", me being errand boy is getting real old REEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAL fast, Which is why I wish my friends would come through for me so that I can get a job real quick ugggg) so now i gotta eat some other ish that I know for a fact will have me hungry as soon as I take the last bite DAMN! That lasanga was smelling so good and I was so heart set on having some of it like that's some real bullshit. Then and this is last, she comes in yesterday and says (and oooh i'ma try to get this right) " From now on, I don't wanna come in to ANYTHING that needs to be cleaned" My first thought was, "Well stop being so trife and making things to be cleaned" uggg like I said this is some BULLSHIT I really need to the tha f*ck..... until next time

Peace & Blessings

Is soooooooo incredibly special and talented it's amazing. I learn more and more about him everyday, like i've known him forever and I'm still learning things about him. He's overcome such amazing adversity and is proof, living proof that there is a God and not only that he exists but that he has favor over him. I just gotta write about it...


Strange Fruit
Created out of Chaos to create beautie, and give life.
See God took time when creating this kind of fruit, it's cosmic,
of heaven and earth, like those stars that shoot.
Found only in pure bodies of water, cause it can't afford to be tainted
it's color is any shade of orange from burnt, to copper, it gleams as if painted, that's just God's glow.
It's taste is electricly eccentric and sweetly familiar at the same time
It changes rapidly and untelling without warning sign.
This fruit blooms only under the light of the moon every 18 years
It sways in the water to music that only it hears.
Mothers tell their boys not to consume it, it's strange,
but it is God fruit and it's goodness can not be contained.
Partake in it's ripeness and grow wise and strong
this fruit grants those who consume it life that is long.
The lost ones will reject it's nector and meet their death
at the hands of their own ignorance
but the chosen people will have everlasting love and wisdom bestowed upon them, and a life that is forever enhanced.

So this is an update to the last getting outta here blog. Basically nothing special happend I went in for the job at the call center dressed nicely, speaking nicely, passed the series of tests that I had to take and then they told me that I had to have at least 6 months experience working in a call center like what the hell, but I go on, undaunted. They recomended another one for me and I know a few leads that I can follow, my mother won't have time for me though. I haven't asked her to take me to the jobs but I'm just pretty sure she won't have time for me, her my sistster and my sister's friend and mother are going to Slchiterbaun (did i get it right?) tommorow, I was NOT invited lol not worried though I'll find some ish to do and then all the worse, tha mothaf*ckin worse I gotta get a physical tommorow ( I have to be injected, fondled, groped, etc. all in the name of good health) Any way I neeeeeeed a job badly and I neeeeeed to move out, oooh and I wish all this finacial aid business would just be smoothed lol but it won't be if I don't do it (I'm rambling, but I can do that on MY blog spot) lol any way yea that's what's happening right now I'm just trying for greatness trying to complete short term goals on my path to getting to the long term ones

Sometimes I just feel like I'm not much... of anything. It's like I have alot to offer but it's not utilized by anything or anyone, well there are people who do utilize what I have to give but it's like in nature there is a give an take relationship with things. The flowers continue to grow because the bees come and drink nector, and carry pollen see it's a give and take... and what may I ask happens to the flowers if the bees don't come, or vice versa. HELP ME

I feel so off it's ridiculous. I can't eat but i'm hungry, I'm tired but I can't sleep and I just woke up, I'm lonely but I WANT to be alone ooh I'm just restless. I didn't get to go to my little job interiview thingy today :(
Lemme explain the real reason why I feel so downnnnnnnnnnnnnn. It's like I want to flee (lmaooooo at flee for two reasons) I want so badly to flee from this environment and get that apartment with those friends but how can I without a job and me getting a job keeps getting pushed back, I just wanna go, I feel like the place I'm at has grown sick of me anyway, annnnd on top of all that it's like everyone around me has someone, like someone right there to say be with them so they won't feel alone, my ties are not that tangible. I know I should be greatful but this is just how I feel right now theres more but that's all I care to share right now

Before I get into everything first I need to say that I really need to begin trying to do yoga I hear it's so freeing and peaceful ugg I wish my environment was more conducive to doing yoga and Ti-Chi, but it's kinda hard to be at peace when bay bay's kids stay outside and my sidewalks stay littered with trash :( sad. On to today's topic tho So today Cherokee posted a blog venting about his mom and I know all about their relationship and I know what he's saying is true and this ties into me because me and my mom go through things too, and while the situations aren't exactly the same there are similarities, which tie into the title listen. It's been my theme song lately see i've been listening to the lyrics and what not and it's been more and more fitting for me these past few days and weeks and then recently I watched Dreamgirls which further made me see that the song applied to me because Deena, Beyonce character was very much molded into what someone else wanted her to be and she didn't really know who she was until she found her voice and had to make the tough move and assert herself as who she was and all she wanted Curtis to do was listen. And this so applies to me especially when she says, "I'm done believing you, you don't know what I'm feeling" the you don't konw what i'm feeling part is so true cuz it's like they (parents) think they know you and they think they know what you're feeling and thinking and they often times don't especially mine cuz I don't let her in to much but she still think she know about me. I can't post the video that I want but yea I think you guys get the point so as always peace and blessings goodnight

Okay, so this is phase one of what I said in my last blog i'm getting outta this house and getting a job and spreading my wings (And so is my bro... he just don't know it yet) but yes okay so this is the story. I was with my friends Tyquan, Moses, and Darwin, and we were just out having lunch and just having guys day out soooo Moses and Tyquan (who are in a relationship) are looking for apts. so we went to view some models of some nice apts on the southeast side of Houston, really close to my school (T.S.U.) and while there we saw how nice they were but i wasn't really saying anything then tyquan was like it would be fun if you were here with us so me and Darwin started thinking. First I was like naww cuz I don't have a job and I need money for this kinda thing cuz it takes a little to move into somewhere ya know lol so yea then they was like oh we can get you put on at the job that we about to work at cuz you get hired on the spot etc. etc. and you start off making like $8.50 an hour so i'm like boom. The only other issue we have is we did kinda just meet and Myself, Tyquan, and Moses (and soon to come my bro) feel like we can get along easily like easily.... but Darwin we don't quite know sooooooooo yea and then theres mamma but what can she say I'm 18 lol this update kinda quick from the time that I last said I'd be getting out but hey God is a mysterious being. Any way I'm a little scared of being able to handle all my responsibilities but I know i'm capable and willing and wanting to do what I have to do to get where I want you know I don't even know why I'm scared cuz we sit here and we talk about ooooh I walk in light, and V-power, and P-power and S-power, and GOD power but then we act like we don't know we got it when it comes to things like this and big life decisions. We act like God will actually LET US fall I need to just face my fears and keep my life moving in an upward and foward direction thank you for reading

Peace & Blessings

I had to take some words from another song today yall (You know I love music more than a sane person should) it's the title, "I know ya down, but when ya gone get up". That little quote is directed at me and anyone else who may need some motivation and it's basically saying yea we have problems with our mothers, yea the world ain't fair, yea it's still homophobes, and racist, I see you down but, when you gone get up. Like me for example, I know i'm not gone get aloooot of help from my mamma especially if she don't "Feel" like it soooo I gotta do my own little thing and get my own little job and what not so that I can make the things I want to happen, happen. Cuz Goal num 1 is getting outta here i'm starting a new thing RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna do blog updates and me and my bro's update to getting our own place starting with our trying to get our jobs. Any way peace and blessings, I'm finna go work on getting on this debate team Bye

Everyone has a mother and the relationships with those mothers vary. Well we're gonna talk about mine today. She stresses me out sooooo much, the way she talks to me, the fact that she never really seems interested in helping me but wants to reap the benefits of anything good around me I just don't know about this one. She makes me feel like she doesn't want me to be here, however she acts as if she doesn't want me to leave. And ya know I think the only reason she wants me here is because it's convinent to have me run to the store, or to go help with the groceries, or whatever other manual labor that I do around here. Oh and all the worse the motherf*ckin worse (lol Waiting To Exhale reference) she expects me to do things that i've never done and that I don't know how to do and that everyone else around me including her has had help doing. Like she'll just tell me to go get a job and I'm like how bout you take me job hunting... naw don't have time for or feel like doing that but want it done, matter fact that's her trademark phrase, "I want this kitchen clean, I want that car cleaned out, or etc, etc but ain't ever done anything her self. But yea it's just stressful and i'm tired of being here in this rat hole apartment it's horrible I KNOW for a fact that their are a multitude of people who are worse off than me but this is the life I lead I gotta end this by saying I'm trying for greatness and I'm headed for it too, I'm about to be an official college student and I'm determined to graduate with my Doctored when all is said and done however at this point in my life I feel like I have one foot in greatness and one foot in a mess Me and my brother need to get a job so we can a place get some of tha things we want and then get tha f*ck out and I mean that. Thank you for reading if ya did lol

This is such a random post but hey it's how I feel, and that's what this thing is all about right... right. So I'm sitting here at my desk on this computer, it's Saturday night and I feel alone. You know sometimes we as people replace the word lonely with bored, and we go out and party and club and drink and dance or just go out anywhere to take our minds off the fact that we are by ourselves. I live with two people one of which CAN'T understand me and doesn't really care to try (My mother) and one of which is too young to get my feelings (My sister). I really don't like being a burden to my friends cuz they go through the same things so it's like preaching to the choir and it gets redundant. Then on top of all that I refuse to do those things that may grab attention or take my mind off of it like posting outta line pics on those social networking sites (Myspace, BGC, Adam4Adam, etc etc.) and I refuse to just "Act out" like some do I know much better than that I just don't like my situation as of now. But i'll keep these words in mind and hopefully any one who's reading this and going through the same things can benefit from them too. Teedra Moses said in her song "For a lifetime", "A heart that's pure won't be denied". Let's keep our hearts pure and know that greatness will come.

Sometimes, when I'm with my group at T.S.U. (I'm in their summer academy) and I see how talented some of my brothers are, I feel like... *Get Ready*... EMPTY. I know that I shouldn't, and I know I have sooo much to offer, however what do you when what YOU HAVE goes unacknowledged? Now i'm all for giving the next man props lol and if you know me I stay doing it but can I get some reciprocity??? Orrrrr do you just not see anything great in me ? These are just my thoughts on today what I felt, and bit kinda what went on. I felt so neutral today not sad not happy just neutral. Any way I had to just get that out, on a brighter note we had a very enlightening discussion today and I felt I learned alot from talking to the Mentor I love walking away from a situation feeling like I've grown if only a little

Walking, breathing, loving, grieving... water
moving, soothing, healing, crusing... water

I let my thoughts rain out, dripping down the windows of YOUR mind
and wash away the impending doom of winding time
I pour over your body's garden, making it rich and fertile, though when neglected
I become as barren and frigid as snow
I splash my people back to life with my conscious mind
gently washing away doubt at the same time
I am Son of God & The Moon
So raindrops are my daughters
I Am... Living Water